This is not getting better.

It took awhile to get over attempt #1 at the Green Smoothie. I talked with Sarah and she encouraged me to try again and go slllloooooww with the green part. She encouraged Kale – I went and got some. She encouraged frozen fruit – I already had some. SO, this morning I dove in and made attempt #2.

A picture would normally go here but we are in the midst of a camera tragedy – battery dead and battery charger BROKE. (If you know me you know this is a tragedy of Macbeth proportions.) I will try to paint a picture for you:

It was purple – not green 🙂 I used blueberries, a granny smith apple, and just a touch of flowering kale (which is purple), with a bit of vanilla yogurt.

It tasted yummy except for one thing.
It was NOT smooth.
No one should have to CHEW their smoothie.

I must talk to my friend Sarah and get more encouragement or I will not EVER try this again.

My other “Brad Paisley is sooo creative” song is, Online:

I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I’m 5 foot 3 and overweight
I’m a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmaticA
nd I’ve never been to second base (gasp)
But there’s whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace’

Cause online I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look *%# good
I drive a Maserati
I’m a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don’t want nothing serious’
(something something something)
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I’ve been in GQ
I’m single and I’m rich
And I’ve got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don’t want nothing
(something something something)
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login!

I like country music. Sue me.

I blame it on my roommate my freshman year of college. I grew up in Alabama but it was Angel who introduced me to country music.

Kentucky Head Hunters, to be precise. “Let’s all gooooooo. Down to Dumas Walker.”

The literary part of me loves the way country music writers fashion words into clever stories and even RHYME! Brad Paisley’s songs are masterful in this arena. He usually has one line that would make one’s mother gasp (so, sorry) but for the most part the lyrics just leave a smile on one’s face.

Here’s the latest:

I’m Still a Guy

When you see a deer
You see Bambi
And I see antlers up on the wall
When you see a lake
You think picnics
And I see a large mouth up under that log
You’re probably thinkin‘ that you’re gonna change me
In some ways well, maybe you might
Scrub me down, dress me up
Oh, but no matter what
Remember, I’m still a guy

When you see a priceless French painting
I see a drunk naked girl
You think that ridin‘ a wild bull sounds crazy
And I’d like to give it a whirl
Well, love makes a man do some things he ain’t proud of
And in a weak moment I might
Walk your sissy dog
Hold your purse at the mall
But remember, I’m still a guy

And I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around
Knock some jerk to the ground‘
Cause he copped a feel as you walked by

I can hear you now talkin‘ to your friends
Sayin‘ yeah girls he’s come a long way
From draggin‘ his knuckles and carryin‘ a club
And buildin‘ a fire in a cave
But when you say a backrub means only a backrub
Then you swat my hand when I try
Well now what can I say at the end of the day
Honey, I’m still a guy

And I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around
Knock some jerk to the ground‘
Cause he copped a feel as you walked by

These days there’s dudes gettin‘ facials
Manicured, waxed, and botoxed
But with deep spray on tans and creamy lotioney hands
You cain’t grip a tackle box
Yeah, with all of these men linin‘ up to get neutered
It’s hip now to be feminized
But, I don’t highlight my hair
I’ve still got a pair
Yeah, honey I’m still a guy

Oh, my eyebrows ain’t plucked
There’s a gun in my truck
Oh Thank God, I’m still a guy
Yeah boy