Little, “Mom, why do we have holes in our ceiling?”

Me, “Those aren’t holes, those are windows. They are called sky lights. They let the sun in and so we don’t have to use electricity as much. I love them.”

Little, “Oooooh. So at night they are called sky darks?”

Now they are.

Today was a beautiful day and all the windows were open this afternoon when I heard daughter #2 yell from upstairs, “Does God have a penis?”

Deep breaths. Stay calm. Resist hurdling the couch to shut the windows.
“No. God is a spirit and doesn’t have a body like men,” I called back up the stairs and then took a moment to revel in my catechism reference and excellent parenting skills.

All is quiet and I think it’s over. Nope.

Son yells back up the stairs, “Jesus came to earth and was all God and all man and so HE had a penis.”

My eyes rolled back in my head as I prayed momentary deafness on all our neighbors. I held my breath and awaited Daughter’s response. She yelled down, “Okay.”

Then all was quiet.
I opened up my Zillow app and started looking for new rental property on the other side of town.

Tonight I miss my daddy.

Tomorrow is Sunday and I haven’t dreaded Sunday this much in a long time. I want to talk through it with my daddy and hear his thoughts. I want to tell him about the places we have visited and the things Honey and I are struggling through as we contemplate joining a church family.

One thing you could count on about my daddy was that he would shoot straight with you. He was honest. He had integrity. he stood for what was right and he would not back down. I would love to hear what he had to say if I shared that we have visited three different churches and liked the sermon at one, the children’s ministry at another, and the worship at the third. One sermon was fantastic, one was moralistic, one felt like the party line (if you could follow it).

People say there are so many good churches in town but my heart screams out wondering how I am supposed to see them as such. There are so many things I value that I am not going to find at a community church. I know those things are not Gospel things, but I do not know how to lighten my grip on them enough to say that I will be a part of a community.

Then thinking for Little just makes my head nearly explode.

Did I say I missed my daddy? I’m never going to sleep tonight.

Oh, Heavenly Daddy, You know more than my earthly daddy ever did and you even love me more (though it seems impossible). Would you make clear your plan for our family? Would you guide our steps and make our paths straight as You have promised? Would You work in my heart to know how to navigate these waters of church in 2014 America and help us parent these little ones you have trusted us with. You know I miss daddy and I need to feel YOUR presence and care in a new way in his absence. Give me faith. Help my unbelief.