Tuesday night we went to sleep just like every other night at the hospital. Little snuggled down after taking her Melatonin, I read her a chapter from the book we have been going through, and then I turned off the lights and tiptoed over to my “bed” to read in the semi-darkness. It was a good night. We both slept.
Wednesday morning started like no other morning in the hospital had started. Little was coughing a ton and started throwing up by 5:30 AM. I called Jeremy to let him know that this wasn’t going to be a good day and by 7:00 AM Little had experienced her first cardiac arrest of the day.
She went on to have four more episodes of v-fib (ventricular fibrillation), a.k.a. cardiac arrest, throughout the day with the last being at 7:20 PM. The defibrillator that is built into her pacemaker worked to correct three of the times but once she had to have compressions (think CPR) and once they had to shock her externally. All throughout the day they fought to keep her stable. They fought over what “next steps” to take. We fought to keep it together.
Bottomline: Little’s heart is WEAK; it’s just done. For now they have her stabilized, intubated, and sedated; they are struggling to keep her fever down. If things take a turn toward the worse the next options are transitional mechanical aides (ECMO and VAD). I am not going to go into all of our thoughts on these options, but trust me there are MANY CONFLICTING THOUGHTS.
We need prayer.
- Little needs a heart. We have found out that her name has come up on the list for several offers but on most she has been far enough down that someone else took the offer first. Just Tuesday night she was the #1 person on the offer list but the team turned down the heart because it wasn’t a good fit. We are encouraged to know that this is going on behind the scenes and thrilled that the team is committed to her best. We are praying specifically that the Lord would provide the right heart for Little in His perfect timing.
- We need wisdom. The decisions that loom ahead of us are difficult and gray. We are praying for clarity as we walk and that we would hear the voice of the Lord whispering, “This is the way – walk in it.”
- We need faith. This is where the rubber meets the road. Will we hold to what we believe or in our sadness falter and allow anger and bitterness to gain a footing? We are praying specifically that the peace that passes understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone.