Here we sit at the end of three weeks on the heart transplant list and things have change dramatically from week two. It seems that I had barely posted the last weekly update when I went to weigh Little and found she had gained a pound from the day before.  I am supposed to report such things and so I called the hospital and let the transplant team know.

The next day Little had gained another two pounds and her face had started to look puffy, so I called to let the doctors know. This trend continued and we ended up going a day early  for our weekly check-up at the clinic. Her heart’s inability to pump at full strength was allowing fluid to gather in her body and enough had gathered that the oral medication was no longer absorbing and doing its job. So we were kept for “24-hour observation” and put on IV diuretics. By Wednesday morning Little started feeling better and we enjoyed the time hanging out together (see recent post regarding the dog.) As good as she seemed to feel, Little’s lab results that day came back showing that her kidney function was not getting better and another day of IV diuretics were ordered.

Friday looked very different. It became obvious first thing that Little didn’t feel well. Her coloring was off, she had no interest in eating, no energy, and she was complaining of her stomach hurting. I went down to do a bit of laundry and got a call to come back upstairs; Little had what they thought was a seizure. This experience was enough to get everyone on board that something was truly wrong and they started running tests. First news? C Diff – this increased growth of bad bacteria is caused by antibiotics killing off all the good bacteria in one’s system. Little had antibiotics last month when her second pacemaker was put in and so, two weeks later, we find ourselves dealing with C Diff. This explained her tummy issues and fever.

As the nurse was walking out of our room after explaining those results, I began talking to Little about what I was going to order for dinner. All of a sudden an alarm began to sound and I looked up to see the nurse rushing back in and beginning compressions on Little while yelling orders into the hall.  I checked the monitor and it read a heart rate of 258. I sat down on the couch and began to pray.

As the room filled with more people and the CPR continued, I got up, walked out into the hall, and found a place where I could stand out of the way but still able to see the monitor. Zoey, a familiar nurse came and stood with me. She placed a hand on my arm and told me that she was going to stand with me and I thanked her without taking my eyes off that monitor.

Let me tell you something before I share what happened next:  I remember when I was getting married and was given the advice to take a minute during the ceremony and look each of my bridesmaids in their eyes. I remember thinking that this was a moment in my life that would define so many more and I should make sure to truly SEE it so that I would be more likely to remember details.

For some reason THIS is what crossed my mind as I was standing in the hall watching the 30 medical professionals surrounding my daughter’s bed. For some reason I realized  that this might be a moment in my life that would define so many more and I should make sure to slow down, look, and truly SEE it so that I would be more likely to remember details. As I looked I was touched to see the faces of so many who have cared for us over the past four months; Zoey, Chantal, Liz, Katie, Jess, Claire, Jesse, Elissa, and Bree are the ones I can recall at the moment.  These were people who weren’t just in that room doing their jobs but they were fighting for Little’s life… they CARE for my baby girl. It was such a comforting realization; beauty in the midst of horror.

And then I looked back to the monitor and saw the number I recognized: 90. You could feel the tension break and I remember hearing Zoey sigh, “okay”, then there was laughter.  That’s right! From those surrounding her bed there was laughter. Elissa, the superhero who saved the day, made eye contact with me and said, “She says my hands are too cold” … at that I felt my own hands stop shaking.

Turns out the defibrillator in her pacemaker had to shock her four times before her heart began to beat again. Turns out that when her pacemaker’s data was checked they found out this was the second time that day her heart had been shocked! The other time was mistaken for a seizure.

God, in His goodness, had already worked so that Jeremy and the kids were on their way to the hospital; they arrived about 20 minutes after this all took place. We hugged, we cried, we talked, and Jeremy went to Little’s side. After a couple of hours they returned home and after a couple more I quit crying and finally relaxed enough to rest.

Little spent today sleeping in CICU. Jeremy came back down and spent the day with us and we even had friends come from home to pray and just BE WITH us. After they left we took time to talk through “next step” options that the doctors shared with us and then took turns staring at our sleeping daughter.

And now I am going to go seek out sleep for myself. I’m going to fall asleep singing the following:

When trials come no longer fear
For in the pain our God draws near
To fire a faith worth more than gold
And there His faithfulness is told
And there His faithfulness is told

Within the night I know Your peace
The breath of God brings strength to me
And new each morning mercy flows
As treasures of the darkness grow
As treasures of the darkness grow

I turn to Wisdom not my own
For every battle You have known
My confidence will rest in You
Your love endures Your ways are good
Your love endures Your ways are good

When I am weary with the cost
I see the triumph of the cross
So in it’s shadow I shall run
Till You complete the work begun
Till You complete the work begun

One day all things will be made new
I’ll see the hope You called me to
And in your kingdom paved with gold
I’ll praise your faithfulness of old
I’ll praise your faithfulness of old

Keith & Kristyn Getty
Copyright © 2005 Thankyou Music