Are you there? Are you good?

I had two roommates in college: the aforementioned country music fan (who lasted one year before moving onto the Kappa Delta hall in the sorority dorm) and Karen, the sister of a classmate. She was two years younger and (after I treated her like crud for a semester) turned out to be one of my favorite parts of college.

This post isn’t really about Karen, but her older brother, my friend, Billy. I got an email yesterday from my friend Mo with word from Karen that Billy’s four year old died in the night.

WHAT??????

I can’t get my mind around it.

WHY??????

I consistently look at my life and wonder what the heck God is doing. My children have such issues and life is tough. I find myself saying that honestly I trust the Lord but I have learned to fear Him too. I know that He has said He will work all things for good, I just know now that His good does NOT necessarily mean my comfort, happiness, etc. There is a healthy fear of the hurt He’ll allow for His glory.

C. S. Lewis summed it up like this: “We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

The painful best that my friend, Billy and his family are experiencing right now – I cannot imagine. I can’t stop thinking of them, praying for them. . .

And I just don’t know what to DO! I want to DO SOMETHING! Fix what God seemingly messed up. That’s me in a nutshell – I say I trust, but I want to fix. Oh that I could rest.

That I could say:
Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

O, how great Thy loving kindness
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Belovèd
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting ’neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth’s dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father’s glory,
Sunshine of my Father’s face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.

So, I’ll pray this for my friends and their family.
I pray Hope has the grace to take steps today – love the other three children who are watching her (as unfair as that seems) go through what they can’t understand.
Pray that Billy holds to Jesus and doesn’t walk away from Him in anger.
Pray that there will be comfort (a word that seems hollow and impossible in such circumstances).
Pray. . .

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10 Responses to Are you there? Are you good?

  1. Anonymous says:

    hey becky, seth and I got word of this yesterday as well. My heart aches for them. I can not stop thinking about them either. I relate to your post for sure. Come Lord Jesus.Stacy Richardson

  2. We have prayed here in Puerto Rico for this family. You quoted two of my very favorite reminders of faith, trust and rest in our loving Father’s arms… love you, Becky!

  3. Sarah says:

    That C.S. Lewis quote is so true, knowing that God is going to work for the good, but it’s not going to be easy. I struggle with that issue often in my own heart.Wow, that is so heartbreaking to hear about your friend losing a child.

  4. amywood_stl says:

    Wow…I’m crying just reading your post. We’ll be praying for you and for them…The Woods

  5. Kelsey says:

    Oh wow Im crying here! Lifting prayers up!

  6. zellner says:

    becky- i am so sorry. The impact of the fall is so deep and so cruel sometimes- eric and I cling to his promise that he will wipe away every tear from your eyes and that there will be no more pain or dying or hurt. We will pray for this sweet family. love you, susan

  7. Jessie says:

    Becky – thanks for the reminder of faith and His goodness. I have been brokenhearted and feeling like life is arbitrary since I heard yesterday morning. Hope was my room leader my first summer on project and we loved them both. We are joining you in prayers for them. In case you don’t have it, their blog is :http://billyandhopeatchison.blogspot.com/

  8. April Brown says:

    Hey Becky. You and I are in the same book blog. I just read your blog and I too know the Atchisons’…small world, huh? We lived in Fairhope with them until they moved to Chicago. I am so sad for them. I honestly cannot wrap my brain around their loss! April Brown

  9. Mindy says:

    Thank you for sharing honestly and speaking God’s truth in the midst of great sadness. Oh, my heart is broken for them! We will be praying…

  10. kelsey says:

    Oh wow that is terrible! I am so sorry for their loss:(

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