Writer’s Block

68969_113871912114086_1429354330_nIsn’t it odd that I write about such a myriad of topics, but when I look back a year ago I find that I wrote so very little about my Daddy’s death? It is obvious that I tend to fall silent when the topics grow too personal; I am sure there is a therapist somewhere who would love to sink their metaphorical hands into me. I wonder what they would find because I look at April 15, 2014 as a multi-level pivotal day . . . I am not sure my mind has worked the same since.

Part of my brain malfunction is that my memories have become slurred over the past 365 days. There was a time when details of a story came easy to me, but I have found that pain dulls recall. When I try to pull it up I remember that I was at work and my sister called to tell me everything was fine but Mom and Dad were on the way to Brookwood because he didn’t feel right and his arm was numb. My mom beeped in and I answered to hear her telling me the same information with the added detail that they had been cooking chicken for a luncheon she was supposed to have that day. I cannot stress to you the amount of detail shared about that chicken.

I can’t remember what time I flew to Birmingham. I can’t remember when we decided I would go – I think it was later the same day. If I remember correctly I got to Birmingham at dinner time (because I grabbed Chick-fil-a at the airport) and Ginnie, a girl I had never met in person, took me to the hospital. I must have gone down on the 16th, cause I had to fly to Dallas before heading on and I had to OJ it through the terminal to make my flight because a storm caused our plane to have to circle a few times before landing.

I remember seeing my Daddy when I arrived and wanting to shoo all the loving people from the room so I could hold his had and look in his eyes and tell him I loved him. I remember waiting  . . . he was loved by so many. I waited long enough to be polite and then I walked in and took his free hand while Susan finished praying; I couldn’t wait any longer. He had died and they had brought him back and he told me how it hurt. He said he didn’t really want to do that again; I told him I would rather he not as well. We laughed and I squeezed his hand tighter.

See, this is why I don’t write these things – I sounds so dramatic and I fear the pity of man. Truth is, it was dramatic. . . the MOST dramatic event of my life.

I remember my sister curled up in a chair in the waiting room, fully prepared to sleep there that night “just in case” and I remember the menacing look she gave when we pushed for her to go home and get real rest before the quadruple bypass surgery the next morning. My brother wasn’t there yet. I felt strangely grown up and simultaneously childlike – that’s something no one thinks to talk about.

That was a year ago. . . that was the beginning of 3+ weeks that would change me forever. I’m going to try to make myself write about it over the next weeks, so stay away if you don’t want the raw emotion and potential rambling that will be found here, a.k.a drama. I’m going to force myself to write for my own sake and for the sake of our children. When I print this edition of the blog books it will contain these bits of family history to prick their memories and fill in gaps. (I should get Bubba to help me because his mind is a steel trap!) I’ll try to write in a way that my Daddy is honored and the Lord is glorified.

But for now I am off to bed. Just these few paragraphs and I am exhausted.
Goodnight. Okay.

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She had the nerve. . .

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Happenin’ At The Hutch

1. Today I talked on Facetime to the same person for 3 hours and 22 minutes. I haven’t done that since high school. It was great for both of our hearts.  #notasgoodformytodolist

2. Little woke up on Sunday unable to feel her middle finger or straighten it. We loosened her sling and waited but nothing changed – we were given instructions to see a doctor. She already had her Easter dress on so we just headed out. We sat in the waiting room and she watched the story of the crucifixion and resurrection on my iPad; she narrated the entire time. “And Jesus died on the cross for AAAALLLL our sins . . . . because of His great love for us. . . . . He is risen . . . Hallelujah!” The entire room was listening. It made me miss my daddy. Was thinking he would have LOVED to hear that story. #whyIdowhatIdo #somyLittlecansayyestoJesus

3. I made soup in my Blendtec tonight. SO AMAZING! #pourandblend #wheredidtheoniongo

4. IMG_1133Bubba saw this picture over my shoulder today and heard me giggle. He asked, “Is it funny because they should be switched?” #nosonthatsnotit

5. Little might have a special brain, but it’s AMAZING how she just knows how to milk this broken arm.  “Mooom, can I ___________________ because I have a broken arm?”  “Please help me __________________ because I have a broken arm. #originalsin #maybeshesbornwithit

6. I’m going to Birmingham for the weekend. WOO HOO. My dear friend, April is turning 40! and I am going down to celebrate with her. Honey will be home alone with the kids – I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you prayed for him *smile*. #whilemommysaway #knownherhalfherlife58231_467643455916_6230767_n

7. I’m selling Jamberry Nails. KB works for me – she stamps my letters. She is having a party in a few weeks for all the girls in her class and their mommies. I’m excited and terrified – she is just excited. We did her nails last night to start stirring up some interest. Ba-Bam! #polishdonebechippin’  #wrapisjamaZingIMG_1134

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Spring Break 2015 – Days 3-5

The biggest difference between Spring Break in Fort Collins and Spring Break in St. Louis became evident on Day 5. After spending Day 3 running errands and eating at Red Robin (Yumm!) and Day 4 in our jammies all day, we headed to Denver on Friday to go to the Aquarium. THEY WANT YOU TO PAY!SB2015 - Denver Aquarium

That’s right, folks, after 12 years of living in a city where the most amazing zoo, beautiful museums, and gorgeous parks are all free. . . it was a shock. We went through – we took our time – we enjoyed what we saw – we got there at 10 AM – we were done before lunch. SB2015 - Lily with jellies

Little loved the little tiny jellyfish.

SB2015 - Shark

We spent AGES watching the sharks.

SB2015 - Thomas with stingray

There were jellyfish to pet. They came up to us and lept up to nudge our hands. So fun. KB would have nothing to do with it. I told her she had touched them before back home but she didn’t remember and I’m not sure she believed me.
(I showed her a picture when we got home. )

SB2015 - Aquarium MermaidsThe one thing KB wanted to do was see the mermaid show – we missed it. BUT we happened to be in the right place at the right time and got to meet them. They wore special necklaces so they could breathe out of the water.

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Spring Break 2015 – Day 2

Day Two was a slow day – cold and full of arguing (hence the dip I referred to in yesterday’s post). I had a tension headache of extreme proportions and was excited about the quiet and dark of the movie theatre we were planning to visit in the late afternoon.

We went to see Cinderella. SB2015 - CinderellaHave you seen it?

I was so very impressed with the movie. I was astounded by how quickly they made me care for Ella’s mother and feel Ella’s loss. I cried when her daddy died (obviously) and giggled all the way through the fairy godmother’s magic. And I won’t tell you why but I lost my breath at the end and didn’t quite recover until we were in the lobby and my kids were arguing again. I. LOVED. THAT. FILM.


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Spring Break 2015

New town – new surroundings – new spring break experience.

Turns out our little town goes on break a week before the kiddos in the big city, so we lucked out on the two days we visited Denver. No real crowds – gorgeous weather – good times.

Day 1 I drove down with the kids and we went to a place called Dinosaur Ridge; it is JUST what it sounds like. When the highway was being built they uncovered dinosaur bones and foot prints and they have turned it into a way to pay for said highway *wink*. There was a little museum with bone replicas and information – Bubba’s favorite part by far. SB2015 - Dinosaur Ridge - Bubba learning

SB2015 -  Dinosaur leg as tall as LilySB2015 - Dinosaur eye and KB headWe ladies were completely taken by the size of the extinct creatures. There was a leg as tall as Little and an eye socket the size of KB’s head! I kept hearing myself calling out, “Come look at THIS!” We kept recalling the names of characters from Dinosaur Train too. It was super fun.


We were supposed to take a bus tour to the other parts of the “park” but Providence intervened and they sold more tickets than there were seats on the bus. SO WE WALKED! (This was NOT Bubba’s favorite part!) Our destination was to see the footprints. SB2015 - Dinosaur Ridge group shotSB2015 - Dinosaur Ridge foot prints

Phase One complete, we went to find  a very specific restaurant in Littleton (10 min. from the ridge). “Why Littleton?” you ask. It’s kinda embarrassing, but we have been watching all the episodes of Austin and Ally on Disney and listening to the band R5, whose lead singer is Austin on the show. The band consists of four siblings and a best friend whose names all start with “R” and they are fascinating. I would LOVE the opportunity to have lunch with their mom! So, we have watched a couple of videos on YouTube and seen some interviews. In one of the videos the band went to a restaurant in Littleton so . . . there you go. KB had the idea, I’m an awesome mom, and we went to eat, took a picture, and tweeted it to the band. Ridiculous.SB2015 - Gunther Toody's

Phase Two complete, we headed to IKEA for a completely disappointing attempt to get a lamp that my friend picked out for my living room. It turned out to be as big as my living room – and you know how IKEA is . . . you have to walk through the entire store to get to the end . . . so there was a lot of “I want” and “What about this, momma?” and “Becky, keep walking you don’t need that!” We finally reached the end of the line and our reward was me making a wrong turn onto the highway and ending up on the tollway and having to pay $30 in tolls to get home!! Turns out the traffic was at a stand still on I-25 so we got home hours earlier, BUT $30 in tolls! WHAT IN HEAVEN’S NAME!?!

So, that was the beginning or our Spring Break. Don’t you feel like you were there? It was a nice start to the week and left me optimistic (I didn’t find out about the tolls until the next day). Little did I know that the next day would, in the spirit of the interval setting on the gym elliptical machine, take a dip of sorts. (insert sign and foreboding music)


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Little’s Big Day – Double Ones

Little woke me up at 4:45 AM announcing, “It’s my birthday! I’m 11!” You have to hand it to her – she gets excited and spreads the joy. The next announcement was that I forgot to hang the birthday banner – first time in 8 years (when I got the banner). Honey got it out and hung it up before we had breakfast.

It was a day of things Little loves . . . Dunkin Donuts for breakfast:

Oatmeal Creme Pies for a school snack:
A class presentation for Colorado History being Baby Doe Tabor (she was awesome):

She rode in front seat on the way home from school:

Mac-n-Cheese and Grilled Cheese sandwiches for dinner, presents (KB gathered up 11 things from her room that she didn’t want any more and wrapped it for Little. Nice.),


and a Barbie Fashion Tablet cake!

It was a good day but she has already announced that she will be twelve soon. It’s a YEAR – – SLOW DOWN, Little One.

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